Porsha

As I'm on my lunch break today, I decided to stop into Baskin Robbins, as it's been ages since I've eaten ice cream. As I'm waiting in the line, I see my good friend, Porsha Patil Bouvioux, a 7 feet tall, african-american, DRAG QUEEN. Porsha and I exchange pleasantries, all the while receiving stares from the uptight, straight people who apparently have been living under a rock and have never seen a real life drag queen. Porsha notices this and, always wanting to be in the spotlight, decides to put on a drag show for the good patrons of Baskin Robbins.

Porsha first hands her mix CD to the pimply faced teenager (who looks like HE'S eaten too much of Baskin Robbins, but I digress) and comands him to push Play on the boombox behind the counter. A few seconds later, Donna Summer's "I Feel Love" begins blaring out of the speakers and Porsha hops her 7 foot, stilletoed frame onto the ice cream counter; all to the silent stares of the other customers. Porsha proceeds to do her fabulous rendition of Donna Summer and for the grand finale, she took a vanilla wafer cone, filled it with Chocolate ice cream, hoisted up her dress, and stuck the entire cone, ice cream and all, right up her ass...

After her show, Porsha hands the cone back to the stunned, pimply faced teenager, all the while licking her fingers. The old man at the end of the line, for some reason, insisted on buying Porsha's ice cream.

Randon Thought: Orlando's Queer Selection

Sigh...the quest to find good dick in Orlando is, sadly, limited. If you've had no luck at one of the seedy establishments of PHouse or Southern, then you'll have no luck online either. It's always the same people, all looking for the same thing, but they're just too picky to even try to show interest in them. Honestly, if a fag thinks he's going to find the perfect Adonis...ONLINE...and his ad says he's ONLY looking for perfection, methinks that fag is going to be sitting at his computer for a very long time. Sometimes, I'm that fag, but other times, it's simply JUST about the dick. I've been lucky at times and found some good dick, but never hear from it again. Then there are those times where the dick has been very questionable (in addition to the fag attached to it) and that's when *I* never want them to hear from ME again. Anyways, the moral of the story is...Queers in Orlando are like a box of budget "Raisin Bran"; too many flakes and not enough raisins!!!

The Boil on my Ass: Nickelback

Just when one thought is was safe to assume that Nickelback took a one way flight back to Mulletville, this no talent, recycle every song, shit band from Canada has to annoy the radio airwaves with their latest drivell; "Rock Star". Oh Jesus help us!!! I don't know what it is about this "band" that really irritates me. Could it be the fact that all of their songs sound the same? Or how about the fact that those same songs have no real musical merit to them whatsoever? Honestly, Ace of Bass had more talent than this group of posers. Don't believe me? Click on the link to hear just how bad talentless Nickelback REALLY is: http://www.thewebshite.net/nickelback.htm. Nickelback is so bad, but people continue to buy this groups music, they continue to request their shit on the radio, and I can't find ONE local Orlando station NOT playing one of their shit songs. It's lead me to believe the world is coming to an end...


Other current musical irritants:

• Sean Kingston - "Beautiful Girls" - Set to the oldies tune, "Stand by Me", I never thought I would hear one song that could find a use for the word "suicidal" over and over and over...shit, it's enough to drive one to actually COMMIT suicide. I've tried to twist the panties of this jackass' fans on YouTube by leaving snide little comments like, "this song sucks ass" in his video of the song, to no avail. They're all hopelessly eating into the fodder the music industry is shoving down their throat. Case in point: the EXACT SAME SONG was already "remade" by a group of chicks. As if the first one wasn't bad enough...oh Jesus..
• Pink - I never did like this chick...ever. 'Nuff said...
• Kanye West - Now trying to go by "Mr. West" recently showed the entire world how much of an ass he REALLY is by totally queening out at the MTV VMA's recently held in Las Vegas. If his recent tyrade wasn't absolute proof that Kanye is GAY (hey, that rhymes!) then the pink shirts and his absolute OBSESSION with 50 Cent should suffice. To see Kanye bitch out enough to make Perez Hilton blush with envy, click here: http://www.eurweb.com/story/eur36678.cfm. To comment on Kanye's quip of "Give a black man a chance...", uhh...MTV has become the new BET. During the RARE occassion when they play videos, one cannot go 10 minutes without seeing some psuedo-Thug with a fake ass "grill" spewing some garbage about "gangsta's", "ho's", and "niggaz" all the while flanked by some hoochies who gave the director/artist (and his crew) head to be in the video. So, IMO, the black man has his "chance" on MTV...what he does with it is up to him. Oh, and a final word to Kanye...it's the MTV viewers who vote for the best video. You gotta impress THEM in order to win an award.

Back to Reality...

Greetings fellow Bloggers! Allow me to apologize for my stagnation in blogging...but, no one reads this anyway (so i think)...so i guess it doesn't really matter...

I recently arrived back to Hellando from a nice, relaxing vacation in Miami Beach...ahh...the bliss of crystal clear ocean water, sipping sangria while watching the oh so fine South American hottie sunning himself in front of you...Que Bonito, no?

I think it's kinda funny that I live in Vacationland and had to take a vacation away from it all. But, trust me, if you've lived in Orlando practically your whole life, then all the cutesy, family friendly crap gets old pretty quickly. ESPECIALLY if you've worked at one of the theme parks that adorn this town. I have to admit, however, that Orlando is growing up a little. While the skyline may not match the Mahattanization of Miami's, downtown Orlando IS morphing into a dense cluster of residential and commercial skyscrapers that seem to be sprouting up overnight. Photos of Orlando's skyline are like a PC; obsolete the minute you get them. But, while all that is great...Miami is still bigger, more sophisticated, and a little bit more "grown-up".

Anyways, back to reality...vacation's over and now here I sit in a cubicle of a suburban Orlando office park. Is it break time yet? Oh, and how much vacation time do I have left?

Please! Just "Walk Away"!!!

Kelly Clarkson, that talentless American mIdol hack, has apprently "shelved" her Summer tour. Boo hoo hoo go the masses of pre-adolescent girls (who are KC's ONLY fan base), "hooray!" goes me. I've despised KC and her annoying, whiney, spoiled white girl ballads and pointless "rock" songs the moment this lardo won American mIdol in season one. As to rub salt in my wound, mIdol produced even more bland, pseudo talent in the form of gayboy Clay Aiken, fatboy Rueben Studdard, and (shudder) Oldboy Taylor Hicks. Anyways, back to the blog...

KC says the reason for her cancellation is "restructuring" and new management. Also, apparently "...Clarkson complained that label execs asked her to cover a Lindsay Lohan song". For that, I don't blame KC...If yours truly were asked to sing a Lindsay Lohan song, even in Karaoke, I'd be sure to promptly slash my wrists after beating the person who made that request to a bloody pulp. However, judging from the picture featured at the top of this blog, I'd say that KC isn't touring this Summer, because she's too busy EATING!!! Damn gurl, slow down! Jog! Go to the beach! Hell...TOUR!!!

Let's hope that KC continues to "restructure" for a long, long, long time. When she returns, maybe she'll sing some original material and for once, actually PLAY AN INSTRUMENT like a real musician. But wait, that horrible, drab, make every song sound the same, shitband Nickelback play their own instruments...on second thought, KC isn't that bad after all.

Stay tuned for next post when we examine that monstrosity from Canada known as "Nickelback"...they just won't QUIT!!!

The End of the "It" Girls and Potter Fans bust a Knut!

Given the recent media firestorm over BiBi's "comeback" (only to be dashed by a MilliVanilli/Ashley Simpson moment in Orlando), Paris Hilton's arrest and subsequent "jail time", Lindsay Lohan on Oxycontin, and Nicole Ritchie supposedly ALSO going to jail; one can logically assume that this is the end of the "It" girls in Hollywood. None can say that they didn't see this coming. After all, these ho's are famous for doing absolutely friggin NOTHING...well, Paris made that stupid ass tape, but that's about it. I for one am GLADD these bitches are getting whats coming to them. I hate to say it, but I agree with Pink and her dumb song "Stupid Girls".


In other gossip, Harry Potter fans REJOICE! Well, rejoice if you're in Florida, because Harry Potter et al are coming to Universal Orlando in 2009!! Now, gentle readers, please know that I'm am a HUGE DORK when it comes to everything Harry Potter. It's pathetic, I know, that a grown man in his 30's can't get enuf Harry Potter. I've read all 6 books, soon to have the 7th in my possession (commentary to follow on this blog), seen all the movies, and will most definitely visit Universal Orlando to see the "Wizarding World of Harry Potter". I can't wait to drink Pumpkin Juice, travel through the vaults of Gringotts, and buy a Sugar Quill from Honeydukes in Hogsmeade. It's going to be DORKISHLY Fantastic!!! However, one will NOT see me dress up as any character...unless it's for Halloween.

Celebgritty Gossip - JT to Fans, "No Groping"...oh and BiBi does something again

Recent reports cite Justin Timberlake's press posse issuing a statement to performance venues that JT is scheduled to appear in: Fans in the front row may touch, but not grab Justin Timberlake. Yes, it's true. Don't believe me? See the link: http://thebosh.com/archives/2007/04/justin_timberlakes_hard_life.php Now, if my girl, WC, were to goto a JT concert, not only would she rassle her way from the nosebleed section up to the front row a la "Mosh Pit", she would grope, grab, and simply MOLLEST JT before he could even get out "I'm Bringing Sexy..." WHOP! Yep, that WC all right...

In more JT news, the Hot One recently confessed that he was a Teenage Weirdo. Okay...WHO WASN'T??? However, I always knew JT was a strange bird. Case in point, back in the mid 90's, yours truly worked at Universal Studios and would throw massive parties (at someone else's house) where lots of underage drinking could happen. During one such shindig, JT shows up with Joey FatOne. Shortly afterwards, my girls, 5 Dolla, and Amazon Pixie Fairy (APF for short) with the Chronic and thats when the party kicked in. Now, APF was a very strange bird...she was the Molly Ringwald from "Pretty In Pink" meets the Allie Sheedy from "The Breakfast Club", but APF didn't scratch her dandruff out onto her desk...nah, she weren't that wierd. Moving on...during the party, JT migrated to APF and the two chatted the night away at the table over a whole bag of chips...yep, weirdos attract.

Finally, in other Celebgritty Gossip: BiBi was spotted driving around Los Angeles in her convertible with the top down and blaring JT's CD "FutureSexLoveSounds"; more namely his hit track, "My Love". Mmm Hmm...BiBi definitely harboring some delusions of grandeur...no word on if BiBi's breast breast also was enjoying the top down...

Next week, SkinnyDipping Dogs and South Florida Eskimoes.

Celebgritty Gossip - JT's Derriere of Mystery

Current Pop sources report that JT begged the director of his new movie, Black Snake Moan, to remove shots of his bare ass from the film (see: http://www.andpop.com/article/9005). First off, what is JT so ashamed of? After all, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and even Leonardo DiCaprio have dropped trou and bared some ass in at least ONE of their flicks...why not JT? Damn, he ain't THAT hot to be so arrogant. My guess is, JT has a really hairy ass or a huge BOIL on his butt and didn't want anyone to see it. Sigh...it's a shame to be so young, yet so prudish.

In other JT Celebgritty Gossip, dumb DJ Jock Itch from the XL 106.7 morning show in Orlando stated that JT & Trian Wreck Cameron were back together...no no, a thousand times NO! Say it ain't so...well, apparently it really AIN'T so. I can find NO confirmation that this rumor is true...so, until I do find the truth, we'll just assume that JT hasn't jumped back onto the Diaz Bandwagon.

Fat One's Baldness & BiBi on Coke? Nope, just Pepsi...

Happy Hump Day kiddies! I was watching that dancing show with washed up celebrities the other day and happened to notice that Fat One's hair was looking VERY unnaturally dark. First, when one sees the "practice" clip of he and his partner dancing, one can very clearly see a dissapearing hair line on the Fat One. However, when it came time for his performance, Fat One's hair is darker and...chunkier. Now, I'm not one to perpetuate rumors, but LAWD! Fat One just needs to shave his head bald AKA Joey Lawrence (coincedence on the first names). He'll gain much more respect and at the same time INCREASE his hotness! If I had photoshop (u listenin' 5 Dolla?) I'd post a pic of what Fat One would look like as a baldy...maybe in a future post.

In other Celebgritty gossip, the walking disaster that is Britney Spears, AKA Bibi, finally settled with her ex-Wife, FedEx, over custody and alimony agreements. So what does she do to celebrate? Why, she goes to Las Vegas of course! However, Bibi insists she is there on a "low-key" holiday with her closest gal pals. She was recently spotted at the Tao Asian Bistro on the Strip doing Coke...no wait, it was a Pepsi, as the "Lucky" Chick gushes at the papparazzi. No confirmation as to what BiBi and her friends were doing at the "Thunder from Down Under" male strip show...let's hope that all this madness surrounding BiBi finally settles and we can focus on a REAL celebrity...like Angelina Jolie...she's so perfect.

Celebgritty Gossip - Ohh Lawd! Justin & Britney - Together Again?

My Girl, WC, will simply LOATHE this news...rumors abound that JT recently approached BiBi to record a single with her to help put the spark back into her falling career...okay...first, is JT DESPERATE or is he simply just the sweetest guy out there? I mean, this is the same guy who made 'Cry Me a river' and 'What goes around comes around' and now he's ready to forgive? I guess he decided BiBi has been through enuf already...

In OTHER BiBi related news...headlines confirm that while BiBi was recently attending church to cleanse her sinning soul, after the services, paparrazzi were predictably hounding for photos. Well, Ms. BiBi certainly didn't hear the sermon about loving thy neighbors, cuz Ms. Stank had her armed bodyguard pull a gun on the guy, then yanked the PhotoHog out of his car and proceeded to cuff him. This is a Bodyguard or is it RoboCop? Damn...BiBi got some serious issues...she was later photographed giggling about the incident...beware Paparrazzi of Britney Spears! She'll have you killed!

D's 'Do of the Week - The PonyHawk

I broke my self-proclaimed oath to not watch American mIdol this season whatsoever! Alas, last night, being in an unusually sociable mood, I watched the wretched show with the roomies. Boy, am I glad I did! I got to witness the introduction of the PonyHawk! Created by that little queer boy, Sanjaya, the PonyHawk will soon be the latest rage! Everyone will want a PonyHawk! I can just see the commercials now...New! From TV Creations, comes the PonyHawk Maker! I simply HAD to vote for Sanjaya after that! G'on Gurl! Work that PonyHawk!

Celebgritty Gossip - Joey Fat One

I'm sure all of you are just gushing over Fat One's performance on that Dancing show for washed-up celebrities, but I bet you all NEVER knew this secret the former InSyncker probably doesn't want you to know. Mr. Fat One enjoys having his fat one pleasured while wrapped in a Fruit Roll Up! It's true! Choice of flavor is not known, but I'm assuming it's either Grape or Strawberry and of course, should always be determined by the person "eating" the fruit roll up. I will never reveal my source, but it is a very well trusted former plaything of the fat one that has had the apparently lucky privilege of finding out how many licks it's takes to get to the center of...well, you get the picture. Now, whether or not his member really IS a Fat One has yet to be seen by yours truly, but I've heard it's not very impressive. However, the man IS Italian...so what does THAT tell you?!

Celebgritty Sighting - Matthew McConaughey - STANK!

While the latest entertaintment headlines report McConaHOTTIE in California filming his new movie, "Surfer Dude", other sources report Matthew hobnobbing elsewhere. No, not South Beach, but a little farther north in Orlando. My good friend, DR, reported that Mr. Alright Alright Alright was spotted today at Universal Orlando apparently enjoying a little R&R...during the beginning of Spring Break week, no doubt.

Long lines and swealtering CenFla humidity apparently do not bode well with former Mr. Cruz. It is reported that several tourists were complaining about Matthew's abhorent Body Odor! Long an internet rumor, apparently it IS true that he does NOT wear deoderant. However, judging what the Europeans are saying (and that is saying A LOT), I'd advise he invest some of his millions in something to control his putrid smell. C'mon, Matthew! You're RICH! You don't have to buy the expensive stuff from Armani or Chanel; BAN works just as well, homey! So please, take my advice; tomorrow, before you leave your hotel room and head to Disney, Sea World, or even ViMi, stop at the nearest convenience, grocery, or big box retailer and buy a stick of deoderant. Your fans will appreciate you for it!

And Now, for your moment of Ahh...

One of my favorite actors and perhaps the most beautiful man alive...Colin Farrell...Ahhhh...

Child of the 80's and a Teen in the 90's

Do you sometimes find yourself longing for the days gone by? When all you had to worry about was catching the next episode of Jace and the Wheeled Warriors or Bravestar? If so, then you're part of the group demographers like to call the MTV Generation. This is the generation that falls in between Generation X and Y. We weren't around to witness the advent of Pong and we just don't get the fascination with the Backstreet Boys. In our teen years, not many Hollywood films were aimed toward our demographic with the exception of Pump up the Volume. Thus, with an aim to add some knowledge to the subject of the MTV Generation, I've compiled a list of things that members of this generation in particular will remember enjoying. Lemme know if I've missed anything!

You are a member of the MTV Generation if:

• Saturday morning cartoons were something to look forward to. They were always preceded by Kids Incorporated and started with the Snorks.
• Movies such as the Goonies, Gremlins, and ET still hold a special place in your heart.
• You and your friends would always wonder if in Michael Jackson's Beat It, the word "Funky" was allowed to say.
• Roller Skating on Friday nights with your friends was the coolest thing to do.
• For the girls, Jelly anything. Bracelets, shoes, belts, you name it; jelly was the way to go.
• For the boys, rat tails, rolled up sleeves, and the ear ring in the left ear.
• Stonewashed/Acid Washed jeans with the strategically placed hole over the knee...and they sold for $30.
• Reebok high tops.
• LA Gear
• The Simpsons, In Living Color, and SNL when Mike Myers, Dana Carvey, and Adam Sandler were still relative unknowns.
• If you lived in the inner city, or ghetto, then the Color Purple, Lean on Me, Coming to America, New Edition, Fab 5 Freddy, JJ Fad, DJ Magic Mike, and Miami Bass were all your thang. Some of your top jams were most likely LL Cool J's "I Need Love", Bobby Brown's "My Prerogative", and Public Enemy's "Fight the Power".
• the Trapper Keeper
• Anyone remember Fraggle Rock?
• Atari 2600, ColecoVision, and Nintendo occupied hours of your time.
• PogoBall is what they call it...
• My Buddy, My Buddy, wherever I go, He Goes!
• LiteBrite, LiteBrite, turn on the magical colored lights!
• For the girls, Strawberry Shortcake, The Easy Bake Oven, My Little Pony, JEM, Shee-Ra, and Cut N Gro.
• For the Boys, GI Joe, He-Man, the Transformers, StarWars, Hot Wheels, Matchbox, Lego's, and Slime Time.
• the Sit N Spin
• The Big Wheel
• Debbie Gibson, Tiffany, New Kids on the Block, Milli Vanilli, Guns N Roses, The Beastie Boys, Prince, Michael Jackson, The Thompson Twins, Madonna, and Poison were part of your music collection...on cassettes!
• Our Favorite Movies: The Last Unicorn, Annie, The Princess Bride, The Lost Boys, Indiana Jones, Star Wars, Transformers The Movie, Summer Camp Nightmare, Children of the Corn, Adventures in Babysitting, Airplane, and Back to the Future to name a few.
• Poltergeist scared the living hell out of you and you could never sleep with your closet door open ever again after seeing it.
• Michael Jackson's Thriller was the scariest video you'd ever seen.
• You never knew the real meaning of Cyndi Lauper's She Bop until you were older.
• Madonna's Like a Virgin made parents face the annoying question from their 7 year old's; "What's a virgin?"
• Never Talk to Strangers
• Just Say No!
• We were the prototypes for DARE, Middle School, and block scheduling.
• We witnessed the fall of the Berlin Wall in our 11th grade History class.
• We witnessed the birth of New Wave, Hip Hop, Grunge, and we remember when Alternative music was just that; ALTERNATIVE.
• We never thought Green Day would last this long.
• The Cold War and all those Doomsday movies that came with it such as Red Dawn, The Day After, and WarGames.
• We witnessed the rise of the computer, the VCR, the microwave oven, cellphones, the remote control and now don't know how we'd ever live without them.

Strange Developments

I arrive to work this morning and perform my usual tasks; checking interoffice email, opening neccessary apps to work, then I try to check the news online when I notice that my internet is not working. It appears that the powers that be here at [Name Withheld] Corp. have required all empl's to use a standard "proxy server" in order to get onto the internet. In other words, we're wasting too much goddamn time emailing on Gmail, Yahoo, etc, perusing MySpace and paying our bills that no work is being done. Thus, I'll resign to just checking my personal shit at home. Sigh...there goes all the fun at work!

The TRUTH Revealed!

The video is UP! This will most likely be the LAST post I make regarding the "strange visitation" witnessed 2 nights ago. In the corresponding video, take a close look at the clouds behind the weather people. In the 1st part of the video, you'll see the gray cigar-shaped object quickly move from the man's left to the woman's right, then out of the screen. The video is then rewound to the 2nd part, focusing closer upon the man, then following the object as it moves across the screen. Accept or reject, but keep in mind that this object was not only witnessed by myself and my friends taping it, but also potentially hundreds of thousands of people. The object was visible in dusk, in the middle of rush-hour, and in the heart of Orlando. It's also possible that this object was detected at Orlando Executive Airport, Orlando International, and perhaps maybe even MacDill AFB in Tampa or Patrick AFB in Melbourne...not to mention NASA just 45 miles to the east of Orlando. Click the link to view the object seen over Downtown Orlando: http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids.individual&videoid=1761971020

Conspiracy???

Follow up to the previous post:

- The video evidence of the strange "object" was attempted an upload on MySpace. Strangely, that video has ALSO been erased! Who is doing this?

Also, helicopters were heard flying over our house late last night. While I'm sure this is most likely paranioa, our neighborhood RARELY has copters flying over. Besides, considering the 'hood where I grew up (Pine Hills), 'copters are really no scare to me.

WE ARE BEING WATCHED!

They're Here!

I was always a skeptic, but also always never doubted the existence of life elsewhere in this Universe; albeit not INTELLIGENT life, but life in some for or other. Thus, last night while driving home on Interstate 4 and approaching downtown Orlando, I notice a strange looking object hovering above in the sky. Next to it a few miles away also in the sky was a regular and ordinary blimp, often seen in our fair metropolis. However, the strange object was NOT blimp. It was cylindrical, dark in color, and had no lights on it that I could see. I immediately call a friend of mine and start explaining what I'm seeing. At that moment, my friend switches the cable station to a local 24 hours News Channel. On the station, the weather is being displayed and behind the announcers is a live camera shot of downtown Orlando, pointed in the direction of I-4 where I'm driving. While my friend and I are talking about the "object" I'm seeing in the sky, my friend stops in mid sentence and then tells me that they too saw the exact same object. From what I saw on the highway and from what they saw on TV, the image quickly moved closer to downtown Orlando, ducked behind a cloud, then with unhuman speed, flew quickly across the sky and was heading west...this was caught on video by my friend who DVR'd the "object" shown on TV.

We can only come to the conclusion this "object" was a UFO. We've tried several times to post this video on the internet, to no avail...it keeps being deleted by SOMEONE...we don't know who. I know that I did NOT see a blimp or an airplane for that matter at this "object" was moving at speeds too fast for modern aircraft.

We are being watched and the aliens are becoming way too careless!

The Golden Blahs

As predickted, I didn't stay up too late to watch the overly scripted and bland Golden Globe awards. I did, however, catch the best (and worst) parts and am now hear to recall them for you in glorious blogging detail!

Red Carpet Pre-Show: Hosted by Ryan Seacrest, in what may be his most pathetic display of homo cluelessness to date. After hitting on John Stamos, who has long been at the top of Ryan's "Hump Island", Ryan tries to subdue his overtly homo tendencies at the very end by having the chick announcer next to Gay Jay from ATM (don't know her name and don't care) ask him, "So what GIRLS did you think were most attractive tonight, Ryan?" Riiiiight...Ryan was not only hitting on Stamos, he was reMarky Marking the "Funky Bunch" qwaff as a "good look" for the Good Vibrator, oogling at Brad & ignoring the beautiFLY Angelina (who looked like she would much rather be home in bed w/Brad), and rushing his interview with Drew in hopes he would Timber Justin's lake. Sigh...Ryan needs to just COME OUT already along with Rob Thomas!!!

Now onto my picks for best and worst dressed celebrities of the evening:

BEST:

Kate Blanchett - This woman could wear trash bags and still look like a million bucks. Last night, however, she was absolutely stunning in a black McQueen dress w/lace sleeves and a jeweled belt. Simply elegant.

BradJelina - Perfection in a double package! I'm so glad the cameras were fixed upon these two for practically the entire show! Brad always looks good no matter what tux he decides to don. Angelina didn't look too happy and the new latest rumors are suggesting that her scowl from last night may be because she HATED her dress from St. John's. Apparently, she's contracted w/the company to wear their clothing at certain high-profile events...but I guess they best work overtime, cuz Angie HATES going out in bad clothing. She receives best dressed simply because she is Angelina!!!

Renee Zelwigger - Stunning in a kelly green strapless gown that accentuated her great Bridgette Jones figure.

Prince: Yes, he did give a "Talk to Hand" to the camera when he arrived, but you can't blame the man for traffic and for being upset that he was unable to accept his award onstage. He looked as good as ever for nearly approaching his 50's in classic Prince gold bedazzling tux.

WORST:

Beyonce - Although it's common knowledge that I can't stand this bitch, it should be no surprise that she is at the top of my list. Not only did she shamlessly expose areola and overly pose on the red carpet, she had a BAD WEAVE at the same time (look at the pic at the top of this blog for PROOF). HDTV really shows those braids, girl!

Cameron - Her breakup w/JT must have been harder than we thought...Cameron was an utter MESS last night! Not only did she look highly strung-out, she also looked as if she took an alluminun white Xmas tree, chopped it up, then donned it as her evening gown. Top that with badly dyed & chopped black hair and whore-red lipstick and you have a walking disaster!

Charlie Sheen - Did he REALLY need to borrow his dad's suit worn in "The Dead Zone"? Charley looked like a member of the Talking Heads in the video "Burning Down the House" as he was utterly SWIMMING in that oversized suit from the Men's Wharehouse. He then "shouts out" poor Emelio making him stand and take a bow. Oh the train wreck that it Charlie Sheen!!!

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Resse - Canary yellow...again. Oh well, give the woman credit for dumping cheating old Ryan and then showing up at the Golden Globes. Brave, very brave!

Kate Winslet - White gown, great hair. This woman needs more color!!! She would have been up in Best Dressed had her gown been, say...light blue or hunter green.

That's all for now, kiddies!