All I have to say is...I TOLD YOU SO!

15 years ago, the NFL was looking to place a third team in Florida. The league courted both Orlando and Jacksonville, but they were REALLY courting Orlando...Jacksonville was a secondary choice. As it stood, the illustrious (note: Sarcasm) then mayor of Orlando, Glenda Hood(rat) and then Orange County Commissioner, Linda Stewart, balked at the NFL. Orlando would have to improve the Citrus Bowl or completely build a new stadium. At the time, Glenda/Linda were too wrapped up in expanding the behemoth Orange County Convention Center and were too far in bed with Disney, Universal, et al in expanding tourism in Orlando. They were so short-sighted on the NFL, they refused to use tourist money to lure a professional football team to Orlando. They were happy with Orlando being a one team town. 15 years ago, the Magic were the hottest ticket in town. They were winning games, they made it to the championships, life was rosy for the Magic. Thus, with all the negativity and bemoaning the two frigid bitches did to the NFL, the league naturally chose Jacksonville. Orlando's loss was Jax's gain.

Jacksonville actually had civic leaders that could look beyond the rose-tinted glasses of tourism. They pooled together business leaders, community support, and government support to build a world-class stadium. The NFL noticed and awarded the expansion team to Jacksonville. Thus, the Jacksonville Jaguars were born.

Now, 15 years later, THIS article comes out: http://www.news4jax.com/sports/21158046/detail.html - JAGUARS COULD PLAY GAMES IN ORLANDO. To sum up, the Jags aren't performing so well in their hometown and the owner, doing as all NFL owners do when their team isn't performing up to scratch, is now looking to Orlando to be their saving grace. All I have to say is...I TOLD YOU SO!!! I KNEW 15 years ago that placing a team in Jacksonville was a bad idea. Jacksonville is the smallest market in Florida. Orlando is the 2nd largest market, besides LA, to NOT have an NFL team. Many say the NFL wouldn't choose Orlando anyway because of the proximity of the Bucs in Tamps. Bullshit I say. If Northern California can host the 49er's and the Raiders, both teams literally 15 miles apart from each other, then the NFL can have a team in both Tampa and Orlando!

Mark my words, today's Orlando leaders know an opportunity when they see one...and the Jags might just be that opportunity. It would be nice to see the Jaguars move to the city which should have been their home in the first place!

Harry Potter & The Suckling Teet and Michael Bay is a Republican

I loved the new Harry Potter film! Unfortunately, I saw it in the ghetto ass West Oaks AMC and as a result, didn't fully enjoy my theater going experience and just solidifies why I DON'T go to the West Oaks AMC...I got to the theater early to get a good seat and just before the movie begins, in walks this woman with a (barely) one month old infant and a three year old. The theater wasn't crowded, but she decides to sit next to me and M anyway...sigh...to make matters worse, this annoying woman proceeds to pull out her large tit and nurse her infant in the movie theater! Jeezus help us!!! This went on for the first hour and a half until M grew tired of the sound of suckling baby (the infant was also crying most of the night). She turned to the woman and said, "Do you mind?!" The woman walked out of the theater shortly thereafter...good for M!

Moving on...I also saw "Transformers 2 - Revenge of the Fallen". First off, I love the Transformers. I watched every episode, had almost every toy, and even read the comic book adaptation! Thus, imagine my woe when I heard that Michael Bay was reviving the franchise. Michael Bay absolutely LOVES to ruin a good action flick. Take "Pearl Harbor" for example...'nuff said. Anyway, I gave the first one a shot and found it mildly enjoyable...the kid in me, tho, always skips thru the boring dialogue and plot developments and jumps right to the robots. Well...part 2, unfortunately, did NOT come with a remote control. The whole movie is one giant, 2 1/2 hour pile of crap, NOISE FEST. I won't waste your time giving a critique of the movie, as I'm sure you've already read other blogs regarding how BAD this movie is, but I'll confirm the rumors:

- Yes, Devestator (although not referred to as such in the film) is portrayed as having testicles...and there is the line; "I'm directly beneath the enemy's scrotum". Why? Is it for comedic relief? God knows the 50 minute action sequence in which the scrotum is seen needed SOME sort of relief for the audience...

- Yes, there are stereotypical "new" Ebonic speaking Autobots who admit that they cannot read. And to throw even more fuel to the racism fire, they refer to the Hispanic character as a "taco"...no joke!

- Bay's conservative propoganda borderlines on the absurd: from first-time pot smokers tackling random dudes, Optimus Prime yelling the Bushism "Let's Roll", to the tired portrayal of France as a land of mimes and bad escargo. Newsflash, Bay! Optimus always said "roll out!"...not that douchie "Let's roll" that was made-up to embolden a greaving nation! Sheesh!

- Yes, the movie is LONG and during the fight scenes, the viewer finds himself spending the majority his time trying to decipher which robot is who...it's all one big giant mass of metal! The final 50 mins in one giant fight sequence where all the landmarks of ancient Egypt are reduced to a pile of sand...it's almost like watching "Team America: World Police!"

Orlando vs. Tampa - Who's winning?

Top Image: Downtown Orlando - 1944
Bottom: Downtown Orl - 2009 (appx same vantage point)

Orlando - this just in...the City of Orlando is in negotiations with a "major" adult entertainment owner to finally allow full nudity at Orlando's tiddy barrs...until now, the nipps have to be covered with a "pasty" in order for the "Nude" dancing to be legal in the town that Mickey likes to think he built. Orlando is also planning a "red light district" in an effort to bring more "manly" conventions to town like the Home Builders show. I guess home builders can't go a week without lookin at titties bouncing up and down. Personally, I think Orlando should go the whole hog and allow ALL nude dancing...Men too (oh yes PLEASE!). All of this leads me to ask...are we becoming the next Tampa? Doubtful...Tampa has become envious of Orlando as of late for reasons I think I know...

• - Orlando's city population has exploded to over 285,000 residents (as of last estimate) and is now only 90K people behind Tampa's city pop.
• - The metro population of Orlando is now over 2.6million and is only 100k people behind Tampa metro.
• - Orlando has become the next "Miami" in terms of shopping, dining, and city life. Orlando has Louis Vuitton and Chanel boutiques, while Tampa is still languishing in "Express" and "Saks Fifth Ave" (god, Saks was SOOO 90's). Orlando has a Waldorf-Astoria and Ritz Carlton while Tampa has...a Hilton. Orlando's downtown is still open after midnight with crowds of people...even on a weeknight. Tampa's downtown closes at 5pm and Lord forbid one try to find anything to DO in Tampa that doesn't involve going to Hooters or a wet T-Shirt contest.
• - Orlando has fast become a hideout for celebrities...Windermere alone is like Beverly Hills east. They like it there because it's closed to the public...no one can get in without at least having $1million in their bank account.

Tampa has now become the red-headed stepchild of Florida...which suits Orlando just fine. After all, Orlando spent YEARS trying to diversify it's family friendly image. So what if Tampa has an NFL, MLB, and pro Hockey team. Last I heard...not one of those teams can win a game, much less draw more than 1500 fans. Orlando may be "small time" with only the Magic, but what it lacks in professional sports it makes up for in simply being PROFESSIONAL. Tampa can have their Fuckaneers...Orlando will take the Burnham Medical Research Center and UCF Med School any day. Thus, all those Hooter wings eating, Fuckaneers tailgating, southern heritage Rednecks in Tampa can at least get a good triple bypass in Orlando [evil grin]. Speaking of Rednecks...has anyone SEEN that huge Confederate flag flying over the junction of I-4 and I-75...in Tampa??? I rest my case...

Call me biased...I don't care...but I just don't like the city of Tampa. It's dirty, it smells, and it's got this sense of superiority that Miami deserves. Miami and Orlando are becoming joined at the hip...Tampa and Jacksonville are becoming Kissing Cousins. (don't get me started on a rant about Jacksonville). Miami and Orlando are "Little Havana" and "Little San Juan" respectively...Tampa and Jax are just little penises.

Orlando is becoming the next Miami...Tampa will always be Tampa, and that's a shame.

The Potter, The Harpy, and The Annoyance

Greetings, dear readers! Spring is almost upon us and an Hour has already been stolen from us. Thus, as we all adjust to longer days and shorter nights, the big news is still...alas...the Economy. Bailouts, handouts, and sell outs abound. Yet, the middle class is still forgotten as the rich get richer and poor get more welfare. Which brings me to people like the Octomom...first, she looks like the hybrid result of Neanderthals breeding with Cro-Magnon man...she's hideous looking. Second, how on EARTH is she allowed to have so many effing kids; a la "the Old Woman and the Shoe"...close your fucking legs, you wretch! It's enough to make me vomit. And now the bitch in heat is getting a larger house and free medical care...courtesy of the American Taxpayer. And here I can't even get assistance, because I "make too much"...I'm penalized for NOT breeding and contributing to the surplus population. If I had 8 kids, my tax return would be thru the roof, but since I'm NOT married and NOT a breeder...well, you know the rest. Thus, my annoyance with the American System...and don't get me started on trying to get married...that rant is a couple of posts back...

Moving on...driving to work today along I-4 past Universal Studios yeilds a good view of the under-construction "Hogwarts Castle". CLAP CLAP CLAP...HOORAY!!! I'm litterally busting a Knut (form of Wizarding currency) in anticipation awaiting the opening of "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter". I know this is premature, but I recently purchased 2 annual passes to Universal Orlando...M and I are going this weekend. I just KNOW I'm going to run into someone I know. It happens everytime I goto Universal. Maybe working there for 5 years of my youth has something to do with it...? I always swore that I would NEVER purchase a Universal ticket, but I haven't worked there in 10 years and I've gotten over being fired in 1998. Also, I want to ride the Mummy, the Simpsons, and yes...JAWS...just for old-time's sake and to see if I can still remember that script...EAT THIS. Doh!!!!!

Finally, if I get one more email clogging my Inbox from the Harpy telling us to "log onto our phones", I'm going to get up and throw my stapler into her cube. Get up off your lazy ass and tell the offending people to their face to log on! After all...that's what a Manager with BALLS would do...even if she is a woman. Christ In Heaven...the joys of working in a female dominated company...there is not one frakking male manager on my floor and all these lazy ass bitches expect the few guys around here to do all the lifting of their shit. Piss off you frigid old bitch! My job description does NOT include lugging your box of 100 coffee mugs to your new desk. Throw out that moldy shit to begin with! And, it will NOT help you if you're a young, hot tomale...cuz hot women do NOTHING for my dick-loving self! So nanny nanny boo boo!

Back to the grind...some old wench is standing over my shoulder reading this with a box in her hand...

We'll Miss You, Claudine!

I have to say a final word and pay respects to Claudine Hillesland, a co-worker of mine at HMH Publishing. Claudine is the nice lady in the below posting who always planned everyone's birthday and was always there with a helpful hand or a kind word. She passed away just last month, but we will never forget her. Claudine was one sweet lady who will be dearly missed! Rest In Peace!