Harry Potter & The Suckling Teet and Michael Bay is a Republican

I loved the new Harry Potter film! Unfortunately, I saw it in the ghetto ass West Oaks AMC and as a result, didn't fully enjoy my theater going experience and just solidifies why I DON'T go to the West Oaks AMC...I got to the theater early to get a good seat and just before the movie begins, in walks this woman with a (barely) one month old infant and a three year old. The theater wasn't crowded, but she decides to sit next to me and M anyway...sigh...to make matters worse, this annoying woman proceeds to pull out her large tit and nurse her infant in the movie theater! Jeezus help us!!! This went on for the first hour and a half until M grew tired of the sound of suckling baby (the infant was also crying most of the night). She turned to the woman and said, "Do you mind?!" The woman walked out of the theater shortly thereafter...good for M!

Moving on...I also saw "Transformers 2 - Revenge of the Fallen". First off, I love the Transformers. I watched every episode, had almost every toy, and even read the comic book adaptation! Thus, imagine my woe when I heard that Michael Bay was reviving the franchise. Michael Bay absolutely LOVES to ruin a good action flick. Take "Pearl Harbor" for example...'nuff said. Anyway, I gave the first one a shot and found it mildly enjoyable...the kid in me, tho, always skips thru the boring dialogue and plot developments and jumps right to the robots. Well...part 2, unfortunately, did NOT come with a remote control. The whole movie is one giant, 2 1/2 hour pile of crap, NOISE FEST. I won't waste your time giving a critique of the movie, as I'm sure you've already read other blogs regarding how BAD this movie is, but I'll confirm the rumors:

- Yes, Devestator (although not referred to as such in the film) is portrayed as having testicles...and there is the line; "I'm directly beneath the enemy's scrotum". Why? Is it for comedic relief? God knows the 50 minute action sequence in which the scrotum is seen needed SOME sort of relief for the audience...

- Yes, there are stereotypical "new" Ebonic speaking Autobots who admit that they cannot read. And to throw even more fuel to the racism fire, they refer to the Hispanic character as a "taco"...no joke!

- Bay's conservative propoganda borderlines on the absurd: from first-time pot smokers tackling random dudes, Optimus Prime yelling the Bushism "Let's Roll", to the tired portrayal of France as a land of mimes and bad escargo. Newsflash, Bay! Optimus always said "roll out!"...not that douchie "Let's roll" that was made-up to embolden a greaving nation! Sheesh!

- Yes, the movie is LONG and during the fight scenes, the viewer finds himself spending the majority his time trying to decipher which robot is who...it's all one big giant mass of metal! The final 50 mins in one giant fight sequence where all the landmarks of ancient Egypt are reduced to a pile of sand...it's almost like watching "Team America: World Police!"

Orlando vs. Tampa - Who's winning?

Top Image: Downtown Orlando - 1944
Bottom: Downtown Orl - 2009 (appx same vantage point)

Orlando - this just in...the City of Orlando is in negotiations with a "major" adult entertainment owner to finally allow full nudity at Orlando's tiddy barrs...until now, the nipps have to be covered with a "pasty" in order for the "Nude" dancing to be legal in the town that Mickey likes to think he built. Orlando is also planning a "red light district" in an effort to bring more "manly" conventions to town like the Home Builders show. I guess home builders can't go a week without lookin at titties bouncing up and down. Personally, I think Orlando should go the whole hog and allow ALL nude dancing...Men too (oh yes PLEASE!). All of this leads me to ask...are we becoming the next Tampa? Doubtful...Tampa has become envious of Orlando as of late for reasons I think I know...

• - Orlando's city population has exploded to over 285,000 residents (as of last estimate) and is now only 90K people behind Tampa's city pop.
• - The metro population of Orlando is now over 2.6million and is only 100k people behind Tampa metro.
• - Orlando has become the next "Miami" in terms of shopping, dining, and city life. Orlando has Louis Vuitton and Chanel boutiques, while Tampa is still languishing in "Express" and "Saks Fifth Ave" (god, Saks was SOOO 90's). Orlando has a Waldorf-Astoria and Ritz Carlton while Tampa has...a Hilton. Orlando's downtown is still open after midnight with crowds of people...even on a weeknight. Tampa's downtown closes at 5pm and Lord forbid one try to find anything to DO in Tampa that doesn't involve going to Hooters or a wet T-Shirt contest.
• - Orlando has fast become a hideout for celebrities...Windermere alone is like Beverly Hills east. They like it there because it's closed to the public...no one can get in without at least having $1million in their bank account.

Tampa has now become the red-headed stepchild of Florida...which suits Orlando just fine. After all, Orlando spent YEARS trying to diversify it's family friendly image. So what if Tampa has an NFL, MLB, and pro Hockey team. Last I heard...not one of those teams can win a game, much less draw more than 1500 fans. Orlando may be "small time" with only the Magic, but what it lacks in professional sports it makes up for in simply being PROFESSIONAL. Tampa can have their Fuckaneers...Orlando will take the Burnham Medical Research Center and UCF Med School any day. Thus, all those Hooter wings eating, Fuckaneers tailgating, southern heritage Rednecks in Tampa can at least get a good triple bypass in Orlando [evil grin]. Speaking of Rednecks...has anyone SEEN that huge Confederate flag flying over the junction of I-4 and I-75...in Tampa??? I rest my case...

Call me biased...I don't care...but I just don't like the city of Tampa. It's dirty, it smells, and it's got this sense of superiority that Miami deserves. Miami and Orlando are becoming joined at the hip...Tampa and Jacksonville are becoming Kissing Cousins. (don't get me started on a rant about Jacksonville). Miami and Orlando are "Little Havana" and "Little San Juan" respectively...Tampa and Jax are just little penises.

Orlando is becoming the next Miami...Tampa will always be Tampa, and that's a shame.