The Golden Blahs

As predickted, I didn't stay up too late to watch the overly scripted and bland Golden Globe awards. I did, however, catch the best (and worst) parts and am now hear to recall them for you in glorious blogging detail!

Red Carpet Pre-Show: Hosted by Ryan Seacrest, in what may be his most pathetic display of homo cluelessness to date. After hitting on John Stamos, who has long been at the top of Ryan's "Hump Island", Ryan tries to subdue his overtly homo tendencies at the very end by having the chick announcer next to Gay Jay from ATM (don't know her name and don't care) ask him, "So what GIRLS did you think were most attractive tonight, Ryan?" Riiiiight...Ryan was not only hitting on Stamos, he was reMarky Marking the "Funky Bunch" qwaff as a "good look" for the Good Vibrator, oogling at Brad & ignoring the beautiFLY Angelina (who looked like she would much rather be home in bed w/Brad), and rushing his interview with Drew in hopes he would Timber Justin's lake. Sigh...Ryan needs to just COME OUT already along with Rob Thomas!!!

Now onto my picks for best and worst dressed celebrities of the evening:

BEST:

Kate Blanchett - This woman could wear trash bags and still look like a million bucks. Last night, however, she was absolutely stunning in a black McQueen dress w/lace sleeves and a jeweled belt. Simply elegant.

BradJelina - Perfection in a double package! I'm so glad the cameras were fixed upon these two for practically the entire show! Brad always looks good no matter what tux he decides to don. Angelina didn't look too happy and the new latest rumors are suggesting that her scowl from last night may be because she HATED her dress from St. John's. Apparently, she's contracted w/the company to wear their clothing at certain high-profile events...but I guess they best work overtime, cuz Angie HATES going out in bad clothing. She receives best dressed simply because she is Angelina!!!

Renee Zelwigger - Stunning in a kelly green strapless gown that accentuated her great Bridgette Jones figure.

Prince: Yes, he did give a "Talk to Hand" to the camera when he arrived, but you can't blame the man for traffic and for being upset that he was unable to accept his award onstage. He looked as good as ever for nearly approaching his 50's in classic Prince gold bedazzling tux.

WORST:

Beyonce - Although it's common knowledge that I can't stand this bitch, it should be no surprise that she is at the top of my list. Not only did she shamlessly expose areola and overly pose on the red carpet, she had a BAD WEAVE at the same time (look at the pic at the top of this blog for PROOF). HDTV really shows those braids, girl!

Cameron - Her breakup w/JT must have been harder than we thought...Cameron was an utter MESS last night! Not only did she look highly strung-out, she also looked as if she took an alluminun white Xmas tree, chopped it up, then donned it as her evening gown. Top that with badly dyed & chopped black hair and whore-red lipstick and you have a walking disaster!

Charlie Sheen - Did he REALLY need to borrow his dad's suit worn in "The Dead Zone"? Charley looked like a member of the Talking Heads in the video "Burning Down the House" as he was utterly SWIMMING in that oversized suit from the Men's Wharehouse. He then "shouts out" poor Emelio making him stand and take a bow. Oh the train wreck that it Charlie Sheen!!!

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

Resse - Canary yellow...again. Oh well, give the woman credit for dumping cheating old Ryan and then showing up at the Golden Globes. Brave, very brave!

Kate Winslet - White gown, great hair. This woman needs more color!!! She would have been up in Best Dressed had her gown been, say...light blue or hunter green.

That's all for now, kiddies!