Back to Reality...

Greetings fellow Bloggers! Allow me to apologize for my stagnation in blogging...but, no one reads this anyway (so i think)...so i guess it doesn't really matter...

I recently arrived back to Hellando from a nice, relaxing vacation in Miami Beach...ahh...the bliss of crystal clear ocean water, sipping sangria while watching the oh so fine South American hottie sunning himself in front of you...Que Bonito, no?

I think it's kinda funny that I live in Vacationland and had to take a vacation away from it all. But, trust me, if you've lived in Orlando practically your whole life, then all the cutesy, family friendly crap gets old pretty quickly. ESPECIALLY if you've worked at one of the theme parks that adorn this town. I have to admit, however, that Orlando is growing up a little. While the skyline may not match the Mahattanization of Miami's, downtown Orlando IS morphing into a dense cluster of residential and commercial skyscrapers that seem to be sprouting up overnight. Photos of Orlando's skyline are like a PC; obsolete the minute you get them. But, while all that is great...Miami is still bigger, more sophisticated, and a little bit more "grown-up".

Anyways, back to reality...vacation's over and now here I sit in a cubicle of a suburban Orlando office park. Is it break time yet? Oh, and how much vacation time do I have left?

Please! Just "Walk Away"!!!

Kelly Clarkson, that talentless American mIdol hack, has apprently "shelved" her Summer tour. Boo hoo hoo go the masses of pre-adolescent girls (who are KC's ONLY fan base), "hooray!" goes me. I've despised KC and her annoying, whiney, spoiled white girl ballads and pointless "rock" songs the moment this lardo won American mIdol in season one. As to rub salt in my wound, mIdol produced even more bland, pseudo talent in the form of gayboy Clay Aiken, fatboy Rueben Studdard, and (shudder) Oldboy Taylor Hicks. Anyways, back to the blog...

KC says the reason for her cancellation is "restructuring" and new management. Also, apparently "...Clarkson complained that label execs asked her to cover a Lindsay Lohan song". For that, I don't blame KC...If yours truly were asked to sing a Lindsay Lohan song, even in Karaoke, I'd be sure to promptly slash my wrists after beating the person who made that request to a bloody pulp. However, judging from the picture featured at the top of this blog, I'd say that KC isn't touring this Summer, because she's too busy EATING!!! Damn gurl, slow down! Jog! Go to the beach! Hell...TOUR!!!

Let's hope that KC continues to "restructure" for a long, long, long time. When she returns, maybe she'll sing some original material and for once, actually PLAY AN INSTRUMENT like a real musician. But wait, that horrible, drab, make every song sound the same, shitband Nickelback play their own instruments...on second thought, KC isn't that bad after all.

Stay tuned for next post when we examine that monstrosity from Canada known as "Nickelback"...they just won't QUIT!!!

The End of the "It" Girls and Potter Fans bust a Knut!

Given the recent media firestorm over BiBi's "comeback" (only to be dashed by a MilliVanilli/Ashley Simpson moment in Orlando), Paris Hilton's arrest and subsequent "jail time", Lindsay Lohan on Oxycontin, and Nicole Ritchie supposedly ALSO going to jail; one can logically assume that this is the end of the "It" girls in Hollywood. None can say that they didn't see this coming. After all, these ho's are famous for doing absolutely friggin NOTHING...well, Paris made that stupid ass tape, but that's about it. I for one am GLADD these bitches are getting whats coming to them. I hate to say it, but I agree with Pink and her dumb song "Stupid Girls".


In other gossip, Harry Potter fans REJOICE! Well, rejoice if you're in Florida, because Harry Potter et al are coming to Universal Orlando in 2009!! Now, gentle readers, please know that I'm am a HUGE DORK when it comes to everything Harry Potter. It's pathetic, I know, that a grown man in his 30's can't get enuf Harry Potter. I've read all 6 books, soon to have the 7th in my possession (commentary to follow on this blog), seen all the movies, and will most definitely visit Universal Orlando to see the "Wizarding World of Harry Potter". I can't wait to drink Pumpkin Juice, travel through the vaults of Gringotts, and buy a Sugar Quill from Honeydukes in Hogsmeade. It's going to be DORKISHLY Fantastic!!! However, one will NOT see me dress up as any character...unless it's for Halloween.

Celebgritty Gossip - JT to Fans, "No Groping"...oh and BiBi does something again

Recent reports cite Justin Timberlake's press posse issuing a statement to performance venues that JT is scheduled to appear in: Fans in the front row may touch, but not grab Justin Timberlake. Yes, it's true. Don't believe me? See the link: http://thebosh.com/archives/2007/04/justin_timberlakes_hard_life.php Now, if my girl, WC, were to goto a JT concert, not only would she rassle her way from the nosebleed section up to the front row a la "Mosh Pit", she would grope, grab, and simply MOLLEST JT before he could even get out "I'm Bringing Sexy..." WHOP! Yep, that WC all right...

In more JT news, the Hot One recently confessed that he was a Teenage Weirdo. Okay...WHO WASN'T??? However, I always knew JT was a strange bird. Case in point, back in the mid 90's, yours truly worked at Universal Studios and would throw massive parties (at someone else's house) where lots of underage drinking could happen. During one such shindig, JT shows up with Joey FatOne. Shortly afterwards, my girls, 5 Dolla, and Amazon Pixie Fairy (APF for short) with the Chronic and thats when the party kicked in. Now, APF was a very strange bird...she was the Molly Ringwald from "Pretty In Pink" meets the Allie Sheedy from "The Breakfast Club", but APF didn't scratch her dandruff out onto her desk...nah, she weren't that wierd. Moving on...during the party, JT migrated to APF and the two chatted the night away at the table over a whole bag of chips...yep, weirdos attract.

Finally, in other Celebgritty Gossip: BiBi was spotted driving around Los Angeles in her convertible with the top down and blaring JT's CD "FutureSexLoveSounds"; more namely his hit track, "My Love". Mmm Hmm...BiBi definitely harboring some delusions of grandeur...no word on if BiBi's breast breast also was enjoying the top down...

Next week, SkinnyDipping Dogs and South Florida Eskimoes.

Celebgritty Gossip - JT's Derriere of Mystery

Current Pop sources report that JT begged the director of his new movie, Black Snake Moan, to remove shots of his bare ass from the film (see: http://www.andpop.com/article/9005). First off, what is JT so ashamed of? After all, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, and even Leonardo DiCaprio have dropped trou and bared some ass in at least ONE of their flicks...why not JT? Damn, he ain't THAT hot to be so arrogant. My guess is, JT has a really hairy ass or a huge BOIL on his butt and didn't want anyone to see it. Sigh...it's a shame to be so young, yet so prudish.

In other JT Celebgritty Gossip, dumb DJ Jock Itch from the XL 106.7 morning show in Orlando stated that JT & Trian Wreck Cameron were back together...no no, a thousand times NO! Say it ain't so...well, apparently it really AIN'T so. I can find NO confirmation that this rumor is true...so, until I do find the truth, we'll just assume that JT hasn't jumped back onto the Diaz Bandwagon.

Fat One's Baldness & BiBi on Coke? Nope, just Pepsi...

Happy Hump Day kiddies! I was watching that dancing show with washed up celebrities the other day and happened to notice that Fat One's hair was looking VERY unnaturally dark. First, when one sees the "practice" clip of he and his partner dancing, one can very clearly see a dissapearing hair line on the Fat One. However, when it came time for his performance, Fat One's hair is darker and...chunkier. Now, I'm not one to perpetuate rumors, but LAWD! Fat One just needs to shave his head bald AKA Joey Lawrence (coincedence on the first names). He'll gain much more respect and at the same time INCREASE his hotness! If I had photoshop (u listenin' 5 Dolla?) I'd post a pic of what Fat One would look like as a baldy...maybe in a future post.

In other Celebgritty gossip, the walking disaster that is Britney Spears, AKA Bibi, finally settled with her ex-Wife, FedEx, over custody and alimony agreements. So what does she do to celebrate? Why, she goes to Las Vegas of course! However, Bibi insists she is there on a "low-key" holiday with her closest gal pals. She was recently spotted at the Tao Asian Bistro on the Strip doing Coke...no wait, it was a Pepsi, as the "Lucky" Chick gushes at the papparazzi. No confirmation as to what BiBi and her friends were doing at the "Thunder from Down Under" male strip show...let's hope that all this madness surrounding BiBi finally settles and we can focus on a REAL celebrity...like Angelina Jolie...she's so perfect.

Celebgritty Gossip - Ohh Lawd! Justin & Britney - Together Again?

My Girl, WC, will simply LOATHE this news...rumors abound that JT recently approached BiBi to record a single with her to help put the spark back into her falling career...okay...first, is JT DESPERATE or is he simply just the sweetest guy out there? I mean, this is the same guy who made 'Cry Me a river' and 'What goes around comes around' and now he's ready to forgive? I guess he decided BiBi has been through enuf already...

In OTHER BiBi related news...headlines confirm that while BiBi was recently attending church to cleanse her sinning soul, after the services, paparrazzi were predictably hounding for photos. Well, Ms. BiBi certainly didn't hear the sermon about loving thy neighbors, cuz Ms. Stank had her armed bodyguard pull a gun on the guy, then yanked the PhotoHog out of his car and proceeded to cuff him. This is a Bodyguard or is it RoboCop? Damn...BiBi got some serious issues...she was later photographed giggling about the incident...beware Paparrazzi of Britney Spears! She'll have you killed!